honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This is classic penis vs brain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
