have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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