So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
