A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
