We won't sleep together?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
