sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize