Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
