hotel room ftw
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize