I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
