When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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