I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
