...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
