and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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