Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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