it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
