Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
