Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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