My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
