If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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