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At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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