Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
