Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
