he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
