5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
As shirtless as possible
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
