Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
