So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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