Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
