did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
