Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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