I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
