hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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