Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
