we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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