So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
