quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
