Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
