Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
