"it" just moved
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
