It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
