i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize