It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
His nipple licking is glorious
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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