I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
