where am i from again
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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