i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
