corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
