White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
