I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
