Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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