Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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