What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
