we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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