Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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