so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
