i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
