nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize