i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize