pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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