the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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