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• (607): View more from New York

  can we get nightvision for the apartment?

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• (925): View more from California

  Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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• (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  None of those words made sense together.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart

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• (425): View more from Washington

  He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".

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• (707): View more from California

  I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.

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