I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
