is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
