he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
