I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize