I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
