I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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