So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
