Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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