Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
