I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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