Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
