After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
