dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
