Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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