why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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