break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize