you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
