It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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