I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
