My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
