I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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