I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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