A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
