I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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