When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
