You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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