Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
