I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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