If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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