You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
