I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
