I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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