Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
