Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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