So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
