I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
