Already got asked if we're dating
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
