yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
