I can tuck mytits in my pants
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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