I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We are all done wearing pants today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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