so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
