the condom got lost in my hair
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
